5 Ways to Hold Space for Others
Being present with others is critical for compassionate collaboration, building empathy, and cultivating trust. Here are 5 ways to hold space.
Put your technology away. Looking at notifications on your phone or laptop while another is speaking sends the indirect message that they are not your top priority. This is a sure way to break trust and close the opportunity for vulnerable and meaningful connection. Put that technology away to more aptly focus, listen, and internalize what is being said to effectively hold space for human connection.
Be kind and avoid judgement. We all have an inner critic that judges ourselves, others, and our circumstances. If you place your intention instead on being as kind as possible, you’re more likely to listen deeply to what the other person is trying to say. Do your best to avoid making assumptions about the other person’s intent or situation. By being kind and avoiding judgement, you’ll strengthen your empathetic muscles and increase the likelihood of making the other person feel seen and heard.
Listen actively and stay curious. The key to active listening is compassion - try to feel what the speaker is feeling. Listen for what isn’t being said and pay attention to non-verbal cues in body language and facial expressions. The first statement someone speaks is likely not the whole story - just as the cover of an album doesn’t convey the tunes of the music within. Stay genuinely curious - ask open-ended questions to gain clarity only when the speaker comes to a close, and avoid interrupting.
Mirror - using words and body language. Paraphrase what you hear by using statements like “it sounds like…” or “it seems like…”. This will allow the speaker to confirm or reframe your interpretation of what they’re saying and leave space for them to continue articulating their thoughts and experiences. If you’re in the same physical space, mimic the speaker’s body language to make them feel more comfortable on a subconscious level (this is called limbic synchrony - learn more here).
Remember, it isn’t about you. Avoid “I” statements and try not to relate the speaker’s experience to your own. Even if you have shared contextual experiences, your emotional reactions and memories of those events are entirely unique. Hold space for the other person by asking open ended questions, expressing genuine curiosity, and reserving your experiences for a separate conversation.
If you find that your inner critic is really noisy when practicing holding space, that’s normal! Book a 1:1 coaching session to explore how to more effectively quiet your inner critic.